More Church Bulletin Bloopers

I discovered that my post on Church Bulletin Bloopers is one of the most popular posts on this site. I guess that we all need a good laugh once in a while.

The following list of bloopers is was sent to me by email in 1996. I must have liked it, because I added to to my humor archive. The email claimed that these are actual messages taken from church bulletins:

  • Don’t let worry kill you- let the church help.
  • Thursday night- Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
  • This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs.Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
  • The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
  • The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
  • Evening massage – 6 pm.
  • The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
  • The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
  • Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.
  • ANNOINTING OF THE SICK . . . If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.
  • Usher will eat latecomers.
  • The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
  • The sermon this morning: WOMEN IN THE CHURCH
    The closing song: RISE UP, O MEN OF GOD
  • The sermon this morning: GOSSIP . . . THE SPEAKING OF EVIL
    The closing song: I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY
  • The sermon this morning: CONTEMPORARY ISSUES #3 . . . EUTHANASIA
    The closing song: TAKE MY LIFE
  • The sermon this morning: PREDESTINATION . . . WHAT ABOUT HELL?
    The closing song: I’LL GO WHERE YOU WANT ME TO GO

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"True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less." -- C. S. Lewis