More Church Bulletin Bloopers

I discovered that my post on Church Bulletin Bloopers is one of the most popular posts on this site. I guess that we all need a good laugh once in a while.

The following list of bloopers is was sent to me by email in 1996. I must have liked it, because I added to to my humor archive. The email claimed that these are actual messages taken from church bulletins:

• Don’t let worry kill you- let the church help.
• Thursday night- Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
• This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs.Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
• The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
• The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
• Evening massage – 6 pm.
• The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
• The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
• Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.
• ANNOINTING OF THE SICK . . . If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.
• Usher will eat latecomers.
• The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
• The sermon this morning: WOMEN IN THE CHURCH
  The closing song: RISE UP, O MEN OF GOD
• The sermon this morning: GOSSIP . . . THE SPEAKING OF EVIL
  The closing song: I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY
• The sermon this morning: CONTEMPORARY ISSUES #3 . . . EUTHANASIA
  The closing song: TAKE MY LIFE
• The sermon this morning: PREDESTINATION . . . WHAT ABOUT HELL?
  The closing song: I’LL GO WHERE YOU WANT ME TO GO